Become an Inverse Paranoid

“I’ve always been the opposite of a paranoid.  I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well-being.”

- Stan Dale

Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles is packed with brilliant lessons for living a life full of purpose and passion. The concept of becoming an inverse paranoid is principle # 6 and is one that if applied will completely change the way you view your life.  In a nut shell an inverse paranoid is the direct opposite of someone full of paranoia.  The inverse paranoid person operates from the premise that everyone else is always part of a positive plot to enhance the quality of their life. In other words, no matter what happens the inverse paranoid person believes that it is all a conspiracy to see that he or she gets exactly what they need and want.

I couldn’t have studied this principle at a more opportune time.  There are so many things that happen on a daily basis that are outside of our control.  It can often be frustrating when things don’t go as we plan.  But, using the principle of becoming an inverse paranoid restores the faith and hope we often need to press on even in the face of circumstances that we don’t understand.  Instead, we can operate from a position of peace, always knowing that there is a greater power at work on our behalf.  It’s very similar to Bob Proctor’s concept of “Let Go and Let God.”

I believe in stating, with intention, what we desire in our life.  I also believe in goal setting and action plans to move forward towards our needs and wants on a daily basis.  I also know that sometimes the plan that we set in motion is not always the easiest, nor the most effective way to get what we want.  When you believe in the additional power working with you and through you to accomplish your hearts desires it takes a lot of the pressure off.  In addition, by adopting the inverse paranoid persona you can operate from a place that doesn’t always know why or how, but, knows what and believes that the what will be manifested regardless of the path.

How often do you look back upon what at first seemed to be misfortune only to realize that the circumstances were vitally necessary for you to achieve the good you desired for your life.  Hindsight is 2020!

Move each day in the direction of your dreams and live as an inverse paranoid; believing that the entire world is in a plot to enhance your life.  Be the writer, director, producer and STAR of your own show.

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

Wow, what an amazing book! I have an obsession with personal development literature and my goal of reading a book per week for the remainder of my living years is not hard to live up to with books like this. By using a fictional story to present the concepts of purpose and passion, Robin Sharma captivated my attention for 24 straight hours. Though the information wasn’t new to me the delivery certainly was. By writing a fictional fable the author engages in both sides of the conversation, the teacher and the student, illustrating the shift in perspective.

It’s no secret that when we think we form an image on the screen of our mind. We literally “see” what it is that we are thinking about. So, in the case of this book, by telling a story Sharma “illustrates” the lessons of personal enlightenment to his readers.

Here’s a taste of some of the “nuggets” this exceptional book has to offer:

Mind – The Garden

Sharma personifies the mind as a garden needing to be cultivated and cared for in order to blossom beyond expectations. It’s not rocket sciece to know that if you flood your mind with negative thoughts you will naturally develop a negative attitude, be attracted to other negative people and continue to encounter negative circumstances and situations into your life. (Been there!)
In computer science the acronym GIGO (garbage in, garbage out) is used. The same applies here: The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts.

Sharma suggests: “Wage war against the weaker thoughts that have crept into the palace of your mind. They will see that they are unwanted and leave like unwelcome visitors.”

Time – The Watch

Are you the master of time or is time the master of you? Sharma makes no bones about time as a precious commodity and one that is non-renewable. We’ve all heard the 80/20 rule, but, have you seriously considered it when it comes to your time. Sharma suggests, and I agree, that often we spend over 80% of our time in exchange for little or no result. In fact, chances are that 80% of the results you are getting in your ilfe can be traced back to a mere 20% of the activities that occupy your time. No matter who you are or where you live we all have been given the same amount of time (24hours) in a day. The differences in results stem from how you use the time you have. Furthermore, don’t let people steal your time. How often do you sit down to accomplish a specific task that is at the top of the priority list only to be interupted by the ringing of your phone. The question is – do you answer it? NO! Become the master of your time and direct yourself accordingly. You can return calls when you have gotten everything on your “to do” list done!

Whether you are new to personal development or a well read student this book will inspire and encourage you to new heights. I highly recommend it and look forward to your comments.

Cheers,
H

FEAR

Fear as an acronym reads:

False
Expectations
Assumed
Real

I think that looking at fear this way gives us as individuals all the power back.  How often have we been controlled by our fear? Whether it’s the people afraid to fly who never get a chance to see the world, or the outstanding employee who is underpaid because he/she is afraid to ask for a raise.  Fear is one of those emotions that can completely debilitate a person, but, I’ve found a way to combat that.

Jack Canfield, author, trainer and motivational speaker extraordinaire addresses FEAR in his book The Success Principles. What he suggests is write down all the things that you are afraid of doing.  Not what you’re afraid, so, not, “I’m afraid of spiders” but “I’m afraid of picking up a spider”.  From there take your fear and rewrite in a different way.  So, using our spider example he suggest you write:

I want to pick up a spider, and I scare myself by imagining that it will bite me.

Here’s some more common fears expressed in this new way:

I want to ask for a raise and I scare myself by imagining that I will be yelled at or fired.
I want to go skiing and I scare myself by imagining that I will fall and get hurt.
I want to go skydiving and I scare myself by imagining that my parachute won’t open….

So, my question is: if you are able to imagine a negative outcome in such a way that you become so scared you won’t even attempt to do whatever it may be, could you, imagine a positive outcome for the same activity?  And if you could imagine a positive outcome could that positive image empower you and give you the courage necessary for you to DO whatever it is that you want to do?

So back to the spider, the FEAR you imagine probably goes something like this… this horrible experience where it crawls up your arm and down your shirt and that gets you all squirmy and scared.  So, could you close your eyes and imagine picking up the spider and holding it gently in your hand, looking closely at it, admiring in awe the small size of the spider, but, yet the detail in the eyes, the hair, the legs, the body etc?  Do you see that the image that we hold is so important when it comes to the action we do or don’t take?  And that image is something WE form in our mind. Therefore we definitely have control over what image we chose to see.

Try this exercise.  Write down all the things you are afraid of doing.  Then rephrase them in the way the examples indicate above.  Then close your eyes and imagine a different outcome to doing whatever it is you’re afraid of.  If skydiving is what you’re afraid of, see yourself, in your mindseye, sailing effortlessly through the air, taking in all the sights and sounds, floating with the assistance of your parachute, observing the sheer awesomeness of being 10,000 feet above the earth.  Start to make this the new image you see when you imagine the outcome of a skydiving adventure.

I look forward to your comments.

The Four Agreements – In Action

I was at a dinner party over the holidays and was chatting with another guest about a great book that I’m currently reading. I had picked it up at the Airport bookstore during Christmas travel and it is apparently quite popular. Apparently, I say, because when I mentioned I was reading it I received a laugh and the comment “yeah, you and the rest of the word”. I couldn’t help but feel the jab, however slight it may have been.

I don’t know why but my mind immediately shifted and I started thinking about this short little paperback book The Four Agreements, that I read a month ago or so. The book, though simple, is profound in its advice. Adopt the Four Agreements and live a life of peace, joy, love and happiness. Just what we’re all looking for – right!

I started to run through them in my mind:

1. Always be impeccable with your word.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

4. Always do your best.

In this particular case, number one is kind of irrelevant. But, look at number 2 & 3. By assuming that my fellow guest was insulting my book choice (which was my first reaction) I was violating one of the agreements. Furthermore, by taking exception to it I was taking it personally violating yet a second of the four agreements.

It’s always important to understand that the way we see the world is not the way any other person sees it. We, as individuals, each bring our own set of specs to each and every part of our life. Our specs are made up of our beliefs, our experiences our education etc. and no one combination is identical to another. Therefore, we can never assume with certainty the meaning behind the actions of others.

In the end I CHOSE not to assume or take personally the comment. Subsequently, I had a wonderful evening and thoroughly enjoyed finishing the book.

To do or not to do?

I recently re-read, for I think the 4th time, Timothy Ferriss’s phenomenal book “The 4-Hour Workweek” which is packed cover to cover with concepts and ideas that are imperitive for ensuring you are living the life you choose. If you’ve been entertaining ideas of a different life than the one you lead today what’s stopping you from taking it to action? Probably fear. Fear of what?

Fear of  taking the leap and the net not appearing.

Chapter 3’s Q & A portion helps de-mystify the impending “fears” that hold us back from stepping out of our comfort zone. The following are examples of those tough, mind-bending, but, all together necessary questions each of us needs to entertain if we are to break down terror barriers and make the big changes we want or need to make in our lives.

1. Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering?
2. What steps could you take to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing, even if temporarily?
3. What are the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent, of more probable scenarios?
4. If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control?
5. What are you putting off out of fear?
6. What is it costing you – financially, emotionally, and physically to postpone action?
7. What are you waiting for?

Zero Limits

I read a book (Zero Limits) a few months ago and it changed the way I live my life.  Recently, the title of the book started bouncing around in my head, a lot, and I’ve been thinking…

One thing that really gets me fired up is this concept of “can’t”.  I have clients sit in my office everyday and tell me what they want. We then work diligently to develop and deploy a plan of action to bring their desire to their third dimensional reality. Manifest destiny!  So, this brings me back to “can’t”- I just don’t really believe in it.  However, in the past few months this topic of ‘economic climate’ has seemed to take a hold on the minds of humanity.  Now, I’m not one to dispute circumstances, but, circumstances are only minor challenges that require a change, development or innovation in regards to approach, but, they do not prevent you from reaching your goals.  They do not present this word “can’t”.  If anything, challenging circumstances present “how”?  Are you living a life with ZERO LIMITS?  If not, how can you?

Outliers

Can success really be boiled down to a science?  In Malcolm Gladwell’s recent edition to his collection of mind bending and informative works Outliers sets out to prove just that.  The information is sound and reliable and above all else makes you think about what opportunities you may have because of some simple factors in your life.  The day of your birth, the amount of time you spent as a child in sports, or music or dance – have you been set up for success?  Have you been prepared for success?  Gladwell argues that for the formula of success to reward you, not only must you possess natural talent but you must also be prepared for the opportunity to use it.  He suggests that there is a magic number of hours that a person must put in to become an elitist, a leader, a success in any given field of study.  Though possibly a bit shy on length, this book is exciting, interesting and thoroughly entertaining.  Pick it up at your soonest opportunity.

Warm Women

I’ve recently been in a number of discussions around the subject of women: their behaviour, their attitude, their tones, their words, their demeanor, their beliefs, their values, their comments. What is it with women? As a preacher of embracing your individualism it’s seems like a gross contradiction to write this blog. However, I think the topic desperately needs to be called out and openly discussed. Let me preface by saying there are huge generalizations within this piece, something I desperately try to avoid, so take this for what it is: an opportunity for you, if you’re a woman, to ask yourself what kind of a vibe do you put off when you are in the presence of others, specifically other women?

Angry, Bitchy, Judging, Shy, Quiet, Loud, Accepting, Forgiving, Curious, Inquisitive, Aggressive, Excited, Chatty, Threatened, Warm, Loving, Rushed, Distracted

Does it depend on the woman or women you are with? Are you constantly trying to mold yourself depending on who you’re with? What if you’re with women you know well? What if you are in a group of women where you don’t know anyone? What if you’re talking to women who better off financially? What if you’re talking to someone who is overweight? What about a woman’s who’s divorced? What are your reactions to other women?

Notice your reactions!

Your reaction to other people is indicative of a lot of different things and it provides clues. Sometimes it’s a clue about how you feel about yourself. Sometimes it’s a clue about your likes, dislikes, values, or beliefs. No matter what, your reaction is HUGE and you should pay attention to it.

In his book “What Men Don’t tell Women About Business”, author Chris Flett talks about the glaring differences found in gender specific media such as magazines. In the women’s section the titles are indicative of a gender dissatisfied with their life, bodies, relationships, careers etc. Bombarded by these messages is it any wonder that we, as women, are looking outside of ourselves, comparing ourselves to one another, trying to place ourselves in the never ending hierarchy of unhappiness? Enough is enough!!!

I challenge all women: when you are in the presence of other women find ways to support, nurture, embrace, love and accept one another. By banding together we will enable a synergy that will become unstoppable.

Be a Warm Woman!

Don't let fear hold you back!

I was waiting at the stop light at Granville & Broadway a while back and although I try not to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations, this time I couldn’t help but over hear. Two you girls, probably 20 something, were looking up towards the north shore mountains that had just received another dump of snow and this precipitated their conversation. They proceeded to banter back and forth about whether or not they skied/snowboarded; when the last time they went was etc. Each of them respectively had been up a mountain and snowboarded in the past however neither had been in probably the last four or five years. The first girl said she was too scared to try it again and the second girl commented that she just hadn’t done it for so long she didn’t think she’d ever do it again.

Now, first to clarify, I’m in no way passing judgment on these two, and if they never want to ski or snowboard for the rest of their lives that’s no problem and I would respect their decision. Their conversation, however, struck a cord within me because it’s reminded me of a similar conversation I have had with myself in the past. There have been things that I would love to do or to try, but, then there has been some reason that I made up in my mind about why I couldn’t or shouldn’t. So often it’s fear that holds people back, including me, and there’s a part of me that is so bothered by that. I have been deathly afraid of certain things in the past and therefore didn’t go through with them only to regret it later and beat myself up for not going for it. However, of late I’ve tried to take a different approach with myself. There is so much to experience in this world, so many things to do, places to see, people to meet; I don’t want to end up regretting not pushing myself through that fear.

I don’t want to get morbid on you, but, I made a realization a couple years ago after having a close family member pass away at a young age, that I don’t want to miss out on opportunities or experiences just because I am scared. The best book I ever read that addressed Fear was Susan Jeffer’s “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. It’s very freeing when you begin to understand the emotion of fear and slowly stop allowing it from holding you back from doing things that you have a desire to do. As far as I know we only have one shot here and I set out each day to have the best time possible. I don’t deny that fear continues to pop up in my life, sometimes daily, but more and more I see it for what it is and I “feel the fear and do it anyways”.

Chose Happiness

One of the best lessons I’ve ever learned, and it took me a LONG time to get it, is that happiness is a choice and it is an available option for us at any given moment. I recently read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” in which there are a million gems (lessons), but, the one that is the most important thus far is the necessity to live in the NOW. In any given moment in your life, if you are able to be totally present, is happiness. Happiness is always with you, waiting patiently for you to notice it. Even in the darkest of places there is a glimmer of light that if noticed and pursued will grow and expand. Eventually it will be the darkness that resembles the glimmer and the light in which you will live.

Our life is incredibly influenced by our habitual tendencies. All of our habits combined become the operating system (the paradigm) in which we live our life. The more often we do things, think things, say things, the more engrained they become within the day in and day out routine of our lives. Choosing to see the happiness in every moment might be outside of your paradigm at first. When something unpleasant occurs you struggle and cannot find the good in the situation – this is just your habitual way of “seeing” things. Look harder, it’s there.

When you are able to see the good in every situation, when you learn to understand that without challenges in life you would not grow – your life becomes so enjoyable and meaningful. There will always be set-backs, challenges, lessons in life that you will not be able to avoid. Don’t fear those situations, embrace them; they are there to help you, they will enable you to grow as a person.

Decide to look for the happiness in every situation; refuse to stop looking until you find something to feel good about. -

Chose Happiness!