Zero Limits

I read a book (Zero Limits) a few months ago and it changed the way I live my life.  Recently, the title of the book started bouncing around in my head, a lot, and I’ve been thinking…

One thing that really gets me fired up is this concept of “can’t”.  I have clients sit in my office everyday and tell me what they want. We then work diligently to develop and deploy a plan of action to bring their desire to their third dimensional reality. Manifest destiny!  So, this brings me back to “can’t”- I just don’t really believe in it.  However, in the past few months this topic of ‘economic climate’ has seemed to take a hold on the minds of humanity.  Now, I’m not one to dispute circumstances, but, circumstances are only minor challenges that require a change, development or innovation in regards to approach, but, they do not prevent you from reaching your goals.  They do not present this word “can’t”.  If anything, challenging circumstances present “how”?  Are you living a life with ZERO LIMITS?  If not, how can you?

Outliers

Can success really be boiled down to a science?  In Malcolm Gladwell’s recent edition to his collection of mind bending and informative works Outliers sets out to prove just that.  The information is sound and reliable and above all else makes you think about what opportunities you may have because of some simple factors in your life.  The day of your birth, the amount of time you spent as a child in sports, or music or dance – have you been set up for success?  Have you been prepared for success?  Gladwell argues that for the formula of success to reward you, not only must you possess natural talent but you must also be prepared for the opportunity to use it.  He suggests that there is a magic number of hours that a person must put in to become an elitist, a leader, a success in any given field of study.  Though possibly a bit shy on length, this book is exciting, interesting and thoroughly entertaining.  Pick it up at your soonest opportunity.

Warm Women

I’ve recently been in a number of discussions around the subject of women: their behaviour, their attitude, their tones, their words, their demeanor, their beliefs, their values, their comments. What is it with women? As a preacher of embracing your individualism it’s seems like a gross contradiction to write this blog. However, I think the topic desperately needs to be called out and openly discussed. Let me preface by saying there are huge generalizations within this piece, something I desperately try to avoid, so take this for what it is: an opportunity for you, if you’re a woman, to ask yourself what kind of a vibe do you put off when you are in the presence of others, specifically other women?

Angry, Bitchy, Judging, Shy, Quiet, Loud, Accepting, Forgiving, Curious, Inquisitive, Aggressive, Excited, Chatty, Threatened, Warm, Loving, Rushed, Distracted

Does it depend on the woman or women you are with? Are you constantly trying to mold yourself depending on who you’re with? What if you’re with women you know well? What if you are in a group of women where you don’t know anyone? What if you’re talking to women who better off financially? What if you’re talking to someone who is overweight? What about a woman’s who’s divorced? What are your reactions to other women?

Notice your reactions!

Your reaction to other people is indicative of a lot of different things and it provides clues. Sometimes it’s a clue about how you feel about yourself. Sometimes it’s a clue about your likes, dislikes, values, or beliefs. No matter what, your reaction is HUGE and you should pay attention to it.

In his book “What Men Don’t tell Women About Business”, author Chris Flett talks about the glaring differences found in gender specific media such as magazines. In the women’s section the titles are indicative of a gender dissatisfied with their life, bodies, relationships, careers etc. Bombarded by these messages is it any wonder that we, as women, are looking outside of ourselves, comparing ourselves to one another, trying to place ourselves in the never ending hierarchy of unhappiness? Enough is enough!!!

I challenge all women: when you are in the presence of other women find ways to support, nurture, embrace, love and accept one another. By banding together we will enable a synergy that will become unstoppable.

Be a Warm Woman!

Don't let fear hold you back!

I was waiting at the stop light at Granville & Broadway a while back and although I try not to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations, this time I couldn’t help but over hear. Two you girls, probably 20 something, were looking up towards the north shore mountains that had just received another dump of snow and this precipitated their conversation. They proceeded to banter back and forth about whether or not they skied/snowboarded; when the last time they went was etc. Each of them respectively had been up a mountain and snowboarded in the past however neither had been in probably the last four or five years. The first girl said she was too scared to try it again and the second girl commented that she just hadn’t done it for so long she didn’t think she’d ever do it again.

Now, first to clarify, I’m in no way passing judgment on these two, and if they never want to ski or snowboard for the rest of their lives that’s no problem and I would respect their decision. Their conversation, however, struck a cord within me because it’s reminded me of a similar conversation I have had with myself in the past. There have been things that I would love to do or to try, but, then there has been some reason that I made up in my mind about why I couldn’t or shouldn’t. So often it’s fear that holds people back, including me, and there’s a part of me that is so bothered by that. I have been deathly afraid of certain things in the past and therefore didn’t go through with them only to regret it later and beat myself up for not going for it. However, of late I’ve tried to take a different approach with myself. There is so much to experience in this world, so many things to do, places to see, people to meet; I don’t want to end up regretting not pushing myself through that fear.

I don’t want to get morbid on you, but, I made a realization a couple years ago after having a close family member pass away at a young age, that I don’t want to miss out on opportunities or experiences just because I am scared. The best book I ever read that addressed Fear was Susan Jeffer’s “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. It’s very freeing when you begin to understand the emotion of fear and slowly stop allowing it from holding you back from doing things that you have a desire to do. As far as I know we only have one shot here and I set out each day to have the best time possible. I don’t deny that fear continues to pop up in my life, sometimes daily, but more and more I see it for what it is and I “feel the fear and do it anyways”.

Chose Happiness

One of the best lessons I’ve ever learned, and it took me a LONG time to get it, is that happiness is a choice and it is an available option for us at any given moment. I recently read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” in which there are a million gems (lessons), but, the one that is the most important thus far is the necessity to live in the NOW. In any given moment in your life, if you are able to be totally present, is happiness. Happiness is always with you, waiting patiently for you to notice it. Even in the darkest of places there is a glimmer of light that if noticed and pursued will grow and expand. Eventually it will be the darkness that resembles the glimmer and the light in which you will live.

Our life is incredibly influenced by our habitual tendencies. All of our habits combined become the operating system (the paradigm) in which we live our life. The more often we do things, think things, say things, the more engrained they become within the day in and day out routine of our lives. Choosing to see the happiness in every moment might be outside of your paradigm at first. When something unpleasant occurs you struggle and cannot find the good in the situation – this is just your habitual way of “seeing” things. Look harder, it’s there.

When you are able to see the good in every situation, when you learn to understand that without challenges in life you would not grow – your life becomes so enjoyable and meaningful. There will always be set-backs, challenges, lessons in life that you will not be able to avoid. Don’t fear those situations, embrace them; they are there to help you, they will enable you to grow as a person.

Decide to look for the happiness in every situation; refuse to stop looking until you find something to feel good about. -

Chose Happiness!

Payoffs

In her book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway Susan Jeffers discusses the concept of payoffs. Payoffs “explain why we chose to perpetuate what we don’t want in our lives”.

Let’s say, you are unhappy with your physical appearance and you know that you could choose to alter your diet and excercise regime in order to improve your physical body. Jeffers point is that there are payoffs for you not to go ahead and make the necessary changes. The key to making a break through is first to identify what those payoffs are.

The obvious payoff that comes to my mind whenever a change in behaviour is entertained is that it requires doing something that is not all together comfortable. We become acustomed to doing what we know how to do. Although it seems obvious a payoff for staying the same is simply the ease and simplictiy of not having to change. In the case of the above example; you already know how to order a pizza, you know where to order it from, you know what kind of toppings you like, you know what kind of dips you want to accompany it, you know what your payment options are and you know if you eat the whole thing you’ll be full. Although this may seem like an obvious example, not having to do something unfarmiliar is a payoff for staying the same.

In the book, Jeffers gives an example of Tanya, a woman who is always sick. Now, you might ask yourself what could possibly be a payoff for always being the victim of a cold or flu? As Jeffers points out Tanya’s constant illness got her a lot of attention. In addition, it provided her with an excellent excuse for not putting herself out there or taking any risks in life.

With the New Year upon us and the inevitable influx of New Year’s resolutions I encourage you to make this your first step:

Acknowlege and write down the payoffs that are keeping you stuck. By staying the same, what don’t you have to do? What don’t you have to face? Be as honest with yourself as possible. As Jeffers points out “when you are aware of what you are doing, you will automatically discard a lot of your robotlike behaviour. You will lead yourself instead of being led.”