Jealousy = Inverted Desire
I used to judge my jealousy. I’d look around at my friends, colleagues, clients, family etc. and compare myself to them. Quickly following my comparison would come jealousy & right behind that would follow judgement. Judgement of myself and judgement of them. I’d be jealous of what I perceived them to have that I didn’t. I’d be angry and resentful once I’d formed the belief that I could or would never have whatever it was that they did. Then I’d judge myself for being such a sad state and living such a pathetic life.
Then at some point things changed. I changed.
I started a journey of soul retrieval and personal development to find myself. I studied, read, attended workshops, listened to hundreds of seminars on disc (thank you CB for all those trips back and forth to K-town listening to Bob, Tony, Jack, Rhonda, and many, many more….”I’m a magnet to money!” ha!). And although this journey will be life long, I am so grateful that my beliefs and perspective have changed so drastically. Now when I notice someone, or something, and I feel that old sensation of green, I stop, breathe and ask myself: Heather, do you want that? Sometimes my answer is no, but, more often than not, my answer is a resounding yes.
Today, I think of jealousy as a gift. It’s an illumination in my consciousness of my sub-conscious desires. Desires I didn’t even know I had. And yet, because of that feeling, that at first is a pang of jealously, I get to SEE, right there in front of me, in 3D, what it is that my heart is desiring. This makes life much easier for me, since my biggest struggle has always been answering the question: what do I want? By using my reaction of jealousy as my guidance, I’m able to identify quickly what the answer to that question really is.
Feelings are powerful modes of feedback. They allow for moments of profound awareness. They stop you in your tracks and at times make the process of moving forward absolutely impossible. That is until you turn, face them, walk towards them and ask….what are you trying to tell me?
There’s messages in your mess and gifts in your guidance.
If you’re anything like I used to be and you’re in the habit of judging your feelings….STOP. Your feelings are not here to hurt you – they are here to guide you, to steer you in the right direction of your destiny.
Simply ask your feeling…what do you want me to know? See what the answer is…..I bet you’ll like it.
Fearless Factor: A Video Series
Fear, in my experience, is a given when it comes to our desire to live our best life and grow and evolve to reach our highest potential. And fear is such an interesting topic of conversation, that I’ve teamed up with my pal, Natalie Sisson – The Suitcase Entrepreneur – to address this topic of fear, within the context of being an entrepreneur, in a video series called: Fearless Factor.
Natalie and I have had many conversations about FEAR, what it is, why and when it holds us back, how to overcome, outgrow, evolve past it, and we were enjoying our conversations so much - we decided, to share our thoughts in the hopes they will be of service to anyone else who’s working towards living their dreams.
In my experience FEAR has been a gift. It’s an emotion, a feeling that requires that I become present, in the moment, in order to not be swallowed up and/or paralyzed by it. It visits me all the time, everyday I’d say. And it’s no longer something that I resist. I welcome fear like I welcome my morning americano. I understand and accept that I don’t need FEAR to go away, but instead I need to get to KNOW it. I believe my fear comes forward as a way to deliver important information. It provides me with feedback that I am indeed stepping in to the unknown and walking in the direction of the mystery of life. It confirms that I am growing, expanding and evolving. This is what I signed up for. And I bet it’s what you signed up for too!
So join us. Ask your specific questions about fear. How is it showing up in your life? What would you like to know, confirm or explore as it pertains to your fear?
Leave a comment below, send me an email (if you want to remain anonymous – no problem!) give me a shout, tweet me.
I want you to live the life of your ultimate dream. To expand beyond what you think is possible in to the highest potential and expression of who you are. To do so, I know you will meet your fear. But it’s nothing to be afraid of.
Here’s the first video in the series – come along for the ride.
Hot Girl (or Guy) at the Dance
So, if you’re a client, or have attended a workshop or have had any contact with me or any of the other Ghost CEO’s you’ll be familiar with this phrase. Yes, I know – it’s kinda edgy and brings up different reactions in different people, but, in business this is the position you want to be in, hands down!
Being the hot girl at the dance means a few things, for example:
1. You have taken 100% responsibility for the success of you and your business. (period!)
2. You are absolutely, positively clear on the kinds of clients you want to work with & the ones you don’t.
3. You NEVER accept clients who give you that little niggly feeling when you meet them, no matter what they’re offering to pay you, or how your mind tries to justify why ‘maybe’ it could work. (Don’t second guess your initial moment of intuition.)
4. You make NO apologies for designing your business and your life to match your natural and optimal way of operating.
5. You have tools ready to use any time you have an emotional reaction towards a prospect who doesn’t fit your model so that you are not overtly affected by them.
6. You are willing to always be engaging in business development activities so that you are never in a position where putting food on the table comes at the expense of taking on clients who don’t fit you or your model.
7. You graciously accept and give thanks for referrals but still don’t accept the referral as a client if they don’t fit your model – no matter who sent them your way.
8. You do not accept poor treatment, aggressive attacks on your credentials or having to justify yourself. If they don’t know how brilliant you are – it’s not your job to convince them.
9. You follow the FIFO model. Fit in or Fuck off. And this is not to be mistaken for being a bitch (or asshole for guys.) This is so that you build a tribe of like-minded clients and leave those who will be energy drains to find their own tribe where they fit. It’s not about making them wrong, it’s simply about being clear on who you accept as a client, and who you don’t.
10. You have an unwavering belief that there is more than enough, in fact an abundant supply, of clients who are a perfect fit for you and your model.
Like many of you, I learned this lesson the hard way (or should I say through experience). In the early days of my businesses, (especially having come out of a corporate environment where the mantra was ‘the customer is always right’) I accepted all kinds of people as clients, most of whom did not fit me or my model. I spent more time convincing them of why I was capable of doing what I knew to do, instead of being brilliant and creating synergy in working together. I would be drained by the end of the day, and from time to time lie in bed at night, questioning myself and my abilities. Though, I would not trade this experience because it gave me so many gifts in learning how I did not want to be in my business and in my life, I do hope my experience will save you some dark moments of inner questioning.
YOU are absolutely positively the most exceptional YOU there is, right now, in this moment! There is a slough of people, prospects and potential clients waiting for you to OWN exactly, precisely what you do, and who you do it for. The more clear you are, the stronger your honing device becomes and before you know it, there will be a line up out your door of eager peeps wanting to work with you.
Become the HOT GIRL at THE DANCE and enjoy the rewards of building a like-minded, soul-centred tribe full of synergistic abundance.
Happy life!
Have a great day!!
First Stop: Foundation
I’m reading Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Diet right now, and no it’s not a diet book, and no I’m not on a diet. Kris was a fun loving crazy New Yorker living the high-life when at 31 she was diagnosed with Cancer. (Pretty scary shit!) Having gone through the process as an observer of the nasty disease, I can tell you, it’s nothing to fuck around with. My step-dad was the strongest dude I’ve ever known, 6’2″ 230 lbs. and when Cancer was done with him it was shocking to see what was left of his body. But, this isn’t a post about how crazy cancer is.
However, in reading the book, I’ve been reminded of a core issue that I work on everyday to stay ahead of and on top of and in choice of, and that is my foundation. What I mean by my foundation, is the physical level of my life that I lay everyday. I’m talking about sleep, nutrition, hydration, meditation, exercise, and in my case writing.
I’ve slipped off this bandwagon many times before and I will again, but what I know for sure is that I can’t be my best self without this foundation laid and furthermore, I make some pretty questionable decisions when I loose track of this piece and start living off grilled cheese sandwiches and Fresca.
Now, I’m not dissing grilled cheese, (and if you’re in Vancouver, Check out Burgoo - their’s is one of the best I’ve ever had), but, instead I’m talking about grilled cheese being the only option at 9pm when I’ve been running around like a madwoman all day. I mean when I’ve gone 24, 48, 96 hrs. without so much as sniffing a vegetable. I’m talking about the nights where I fall asleep watching the Real Housewives and have nightmares of NeNe breaking in to my apartment and whooping my ass. I’m talking about feeling tired, even when I’ve slept, sad, even when my life is full, angry at someone who I don’t even know…etc. etc. etc.
These are all signs for me that I’ve let my foundation slip and I’m adrift at sea with no anchor. Time to rein it in.
Life is made of up a series of choices. Sometimes we make good ones, other times not so good ones, but, I think we can all agree that when we start letting a slough of bad choices pile up, it isn’t long before a mini earthquake occurs within our life.
Making the choice to lay a solid foundation sometimes require’s that ‘short term pain’ in order to have the longevity you desire. It means grocery shopping at 5pm with all the crazy, hungry people, instead of heading to Cactus Club. It means peeling, chopping, bagging your veggies so you have an on hand supply. It means reading, studying and learning about nutrition so that you can make the best choices for you and your body. It means heading to bed, even when a quick hour of TV sounds kinda nice. It means putting those running shoes on and heading out the door, even when you hear the rain falling outside your window.
If you’ve signed up for living a life of greatness, (Trump Tower style), it’s important that you lay a solid foundation on the physical level. Doing so will tap you in to your infinite power of intellect, intuition, and imagination.
YOU deserve to expand towards infinite potential in your life, but, you need to be building on solid ground.
This week, take a look at your physical level and ask yourself – am I setting myself up for greatness?
And if you’re not, no beating yourself up, feeling bad or any of that crap – just take a baby step and do one thing differently. Before you know it, you’ll be back on track.
Have a great day!!
Presenting Presentations
We just wrapped another awesome Coach’s Corner where today’s topic was: Presentations & Public Speaking
I co-presented with Felicia Lee (@coachfelicialee) & Christine Pilkington (@chrispilkington) and we only had an hour but we rocked the house talking about everything from purpose and passion to credibility and structure. The room was full of inspiring entrepreneurs, not to mention, one who’s filming Dragon’s Den in a couple weeks and another who’s heading to Edmonton next week to give a speech in front of 100′s of people (a first of this size for her.) It’s always inspiring to work with entrepreneurs but there’s something extra exciting when I get to talk about giving presentations.
I remember my ‘AHA’ moment like it was yesterday.
I was sitting in my apartment at about 2am (ok I admit I had a 2 beer buzz, but in the words of my pal TG – the world is a better place with a 2 beer buzz & I agree!). Anyway – back to the apartment & 2am. At the time I was taking Bob Proctor’s year long Coaching/Consulting course which was my first stab at formal personal development and the idea of the year was to uncover your true authentic gifts and talents & furthermore create opportunities to incorporate your talents in to your livelihood. (The true path to living your dream!)
Bob’s voice was ringing in my ears and as I listed to the recording of his lecture on “You were born rich” he was talking about natural talents. He was asking “what are you naturally good at”, “what do you notice yourself doing even when you’re not being paid”, “where do you find yourself having the most energy and enthusiasm”? Then at some point he says something to the effect of, don’t dismiss the fact that you may perceive your greatest talents to be negative qualities, depending on what our parents, teachers, peers etc. have told us about these talents.
SUDDENLY I saw this thought float through my mind & heard the words: I LOVE TO TALK
To this day, I can tell you that all the amazing opportunities I’ve had, people I’ve met, things I’ve done, places I’ve travelled, and presentations that I’ve given, can all be traced back to this profound, pure, precise thought. (or AHA moment).
Truth be told – I thought my gift of the gab was a quality needing tempered. I remember my brownie leader telling my Mum after I returned home from summer camp (age 5) that I was a total busy body and that I never shut up. I remember being banned from adult conversations as a young kid, and I remember as an adult, thinking late in to the night after a party or get together with friends “shoot! I was talking so much tonight. Why can’t I listen more and talk less. I need to learn to just shut up!”.
So when Bob said those words “you might consider your natural gift to be a negative quality” – in that moment all the stars of my life aligned and my brain exploded into fireworks and stars.
I so wish I had a witness to that moment. Happy dance? That would be a severe understatement. I was jumping and cartwheeling around my apartment like a mad-woman. I ran in to the bedroom to tell CB of this huge insight, and I think I got a high five out of him, but this really was a moment for ME!
For the first time in my life I had this incredible feeling that I was exactly the way I was supposed to be. That I no longer needed to apologize, hide, temper or pretend that this wasn’t me. Instead, in the words of Willie (my coach who I connected with a year later) - I simply needed to find an arena to express this talent.
As of today, not including the presentations I had given in my corporate sales job, I’ve given over 200 presentations. And when I’m not presenting to groups, I’m coaching my roster of private coaching clients (talking), being interviewed (talking), writing (talking on paper), or thinking (talking in my head).
My whole world revolves around this natural gift of which I now embrace, enjoy and give thanks for.
I have to thank Bob Proctor, Chris Flett, Willie Carter & every client who has ever booked me to speak, hired me as their coach, or interviewed me for their publication. (Don’t get me wrong – I am incredibly grateful to so many people for some many things – family, friends, colleagues etc.) but these 3 people were the catalyst for brining my natural talent to arenas who needed and wanted what I had to offer.
Today was certainly a full circle moment – another aha in a way.
Do you have a story to tell about your natural gifts & talents? Send em my way. Even if you want to remain anonymous – I think there is so much to be said for sharing our experiences and empowering others to live their dream.
Happy Monday!
Heather
Pinch Me Moments
So, yet another FIRST for me took place this week when I was interviewed by Scott Simpson of the Vancouver Sun in regards to my participation in Thursday’s SHIFTED – a Creatribution that raises money to support Imagine1Day.
Here’s a link to the article: http://www.vancouversun.com/Shifted+speaker+series+looks+drivers+change/4723417/story.html
And if you don’t have tickets to this phenomenal event – I’d like to invite you to join us – you can buy tickets here: http://ht.ly/4LKIR
I’m beyond excited to speak on Thursday for a plethora of reasons, but, none overshadowing the fact that – what was once a fleeting thought, full of dread and doubt, became a desire, fuelled by passion and is now a reality resting beside me in the form of Wednesday’s edition of my city’s printed News.
Life is truly grand.
It is in these moments that I know, for sure, that cashing in my RRSP’s much to my accountants chagrin and ‘strong’ advising against – was totally the right thing to do.
It is in these moments that I know, the inner wisdom, guidance, voices and images were all real and true and that I was wise in following them.
It is in these moments that I know my step-dad Alvin, the man who raised me, did not die in vain.
And it is in these moments that I experience and express gratitude in a way that is so profound and so ‘BIG’ that it’s almost a bit scary – as this too is a new feeling.
Life is a very interesting experience. It was only a few days ago that I broke down on the phone to my Mum in a moment of true desperation. (The CRA will do that to a girl.) And yet here I sit, a mere 3 days later, seeing the beauty and gift in that moment.
We learn and evolve through contrast and today more than ever, I’m totally getting that.
We know no light, without dark and so resist as we will – I realize, recognize and accept that darkness is beauty too!
I cannot begin to communicate to all of you, my tribe, my supporters, my light, & my love – how grateful I am for the support you’ve provided me. But let me say a simple THANK YOU.
And let me remind anyone reading this – though the road is not always lit, and the trail not always blazed – when you step in to the mystery of life – YOU light up and it is this light that cuts through the darkness, exposing the next step in your journey.
Soldier on, my friend…there’s a ‘pinch me’ moment ahead.
H/
Claiming Remarkableness… Easier for Entrepreneurs?
I was moderating a panel of absolutely exceptional women earlier this week, all of whom are incredibly accomplished in the corporate arena. The conversation was fun and funny – the gals were really open about sharing their experiences in a way that didn’t buffer the truth, which was refreshing and inspiring for the audience.
That said, I couldn’t help but notice that when it came time to talk about what these women perceived to be their ‘remarkable’ qualities, the things that got their name brought up when they weren’t there, their personal brand, what they were known for being…they all dodged. One by one as they approached the question, they said something to the effect of “I don’t think I’m remarkable…” Huh?
I couldn’t stop thinking about this.
And I think the reason I had such a hard time with this is that as an entrepreneur and a business owner, it is my #1 job to build my brand. The brand being, the conversation that people have about me and my company when I’m not in the room. If I don’t take responsibility for this – the market will decide what space I own, and us entrepreneurs know, we cannot afford to let that happen.
It’s interesting, since I could sense the uncomfortableness the panelists all felt, I even saw their body language change – as they all leaned away from me as I posed the question, sort of like they didn’t want to have to ‘experience’ their discomfort. I can’t help but wonder, if that was 4 Entrepreneurial women, would their response have been the same? I doubt it, since every entrepreneur I know, LEAPS, at the chance to talk about their unique, and therefore remarkable qualities. (We never pass up an opportunity to market!)
I also wondered about the gender thing. As a general rule, I do find that women often minimize their accomplishments – talking about ‘luck’ and ‘right place right time’. Guys don’t typically apologize for this kind of thing, nor do they describe it as ‘luck’. They’d tell the story of how they hustled to get in that room, nailed their elevator pitch and therefore landed that meeting….or whatever it may have been. They describe luck as their preparation meeting the opportunity – rarely have I ever heard a guy not take responsibility for his success.
Nothing against any of the women – I absolutely LOVED them all and I think they had great nuggets of wisdom and advice for the audience – I look forward to getting to know them better over time and I’m sure before long I will be able identify those remarkable qualities they all have.
In the meantime – I ask you…what makes you remarkable? Are you comfortable answering this question?
To be continued….
Time To Go
“The sun sets and rises each day, and it’s the same with the avenues in your life. See the beauty within each sunset in your life, and know that the sun will also rise again tomorrow.” – Doreen Virtue
I remember when I knew that it was time to leave my corporate job…..2 years later I quit. Why did it take me so long? Good question. At first it was because I truly didn’t know what else I could possibly do (fear), how would I pay my bills (fear), what CB would say (fear), what my parents would say (fear), what my colleagues would think of me (fear), blah, blah, blah. The real reason it took me 2 years, was because it took me that long to feel enough pain to wake up to the reality that – it was time to go.
It can be easy to ignore the signs, signals and clues that you’re being bombarded with when the pain isn’t too bad. Looking back, the cold I got every 2 months, the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I rolled over at 5:30am to see that I’d already missed 3 calls, the panic in my mind when I’d run 10, 20, 45 minutes late, the let down I’d feel when I lost an account and saw the reflection on my commission cheque, the dread that would begin Sunday mornings, knowing it was less than 24 hours before I’d start all over again – all signs that it was time to move on.
If you have a feeling that it’s time to go in any area of your life – here’s a few things I learned along my way….
1. Tell the truth – Not to anyone else – just to yourself. Looking back I know that I KNEW it was time to go, but, I was so afraid that I kept shoving the ‘beach ball’ (my knowing) back underneath the water. I consciously didn’t want to look at it, because I was afraid of the inevitable actions I would have to take. Ironically, when we tell ourselves the truth, in that moment a little space opens up in us. That space is like a planted seed and it starts to grow. The universe starts to adjust itself to reflect the reality of your truth! I actually had to DO very little in my reality once I fessed up to myself. Call it serendipity, flow, god, luck, whatever you want. What I know is that there was a FORCE working with and through me that was activated in that moment that I looked myself in the eyes and told myself the truth.
2. Write out your fears. FEAR can be a huge roadblock between you and your dreams, IF, you let it live inside your mind. When you write down your fears, you make them 3D and this process dissipates at least 80% of the bad feelings that fear brings up. By writing down your fear – you gain HUGE insight in to your inner world and by seeing what you’re afraid of, you can start to make 3D changes so that those fears are addressed and taken care of. You don’t want to deny your fear, and you don’t want to slip in to judging your fear (this just complicates things further). You simply want to KNOW your fear. And not unlike having a miscommunication with a good friend – when you get clear about where you went wrong, your new clarity will get you back on the road to actioning what you really want in your life instead of blocking yourself from it.
3. Notice the clues. As I mentioned there were many clues signalling me to notice that my life was not where I wanted it to be. BUT, I didn’t consciously notice them. I let my subconscious run my life and my habitual patterns were in the drivers seat. By becoming aware that there were clues trying to get my attention I started to notice them. At first I tried to justify and be logical, but, eventually I grew in to the understanding that the clues were not there to hurt me, but, instead to enhance the quality of my life.
If you have a little ‘niggly’ or a sense that it’s ‘time to go’ let me also say that sometimes this means it’s simply time to ‘change the dance’. It might not mean that you actually have to ‘leave’ anything other than leave behind your old way of operating that is no longer serving you.
Signs, signals and clues are in our life to act as guidance, bumper bars like in bowling, to make sure we ‘hit the target’ and reach our highest potential in this lifetime. Start with some truth talk and you’re life will begin to flow again, leading you like a river to the ocean – you will be back in alignment with YOU.
Questions and comments are always welcomed.
Lots of love!!
Heather
Put the Whip Away
In my early 20′s I had a severe issue when it came to being hard on myself. Almost completely unaware of my complex, my only insight would come from concerned friends and family (and of course my Mum) when they would question my position and why on earth I was beating myself up so harshly. You see, I was of the belief that if I simply ‘willed’, ‘pushed’ and ‘beat’ myself in to submission of what needed to be done – I would be able to reach my goals and live the life of my dreams.
WRONG!
What a drastic mistake this was. However, this is a mistake I see many of my colleagues, clients and friends making on a daily basis. Unaware of what to do with dissatisfaction, disappointment and unhappiness, many people (and especially women) turn to the ‘self-bullying’ type behaviour I was so accustomed to earlier in my life. The ‘what’s wrong with me’, ‘why can’t I get it done’, ‘I should work harder’, ‘I should get up earlier’, ‘I need to make more money’ dialogue starts to amp up in between the ears. Ironically this behaviour actually leads to one of the biggest energy leaks a human can develop and interestingly prohibits all of which this self- abuse is attempting to correct. Quite the paradox!
So, what to do?
First things first – MOMENT OF TRUTH – are you ‘beating yourself up’, ‘being hard on yourself’, ‘trying to ‘will’ yourself’ in to becoming something other than what you are right now, in this moment? Come on now – tell yourself the truth!
And not to worry – if this is a tactic you’ve been attempting – hey, I tried it too and congratulations for your valiant efforts. But, if you’re like me and in reading this you realize….hmmm….maybe there is another way to get what I want in my life – then amen seester (or brother) – you’ve just expanded your mind and you’re ready for something new.
In order to harness all the life force energy you need, and channel it through your body, to ACTUALLY move you in the direction of your goals – you need to fuel up your vehicle, not whip it from behind. You need to charge the battery, not expect it to run when it’s dead. You need to accept and embrace who you are RIGHT NOW and recognize that THIS is the person whom will act out the necessary steps in order to live the life of your dreams.
As my good friend Janice Martin used to say to me “you need to put the whip away”! (ooooo – I like that!)
I know, I know – how?
1. Awareness & Truth – as I already eluded to – the first step is telling the truth and therefore becoming aware. If you’re not sure if you’re being hard on yourself, you need to listen. How do you speak to yourself? What do you say? What’s the tone? Expectations?
2. Self-love & acceptance – there’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow and become an even bigger, better, more enlightened, higher educated, more experienced human – BUT – the true path of development is illuminated when you come in the form of a united front. If you’re energy is disjointed because 1/2 of you is the ‘boss’ and the other 1/2 the ‘abused’ and ‘bullied’ ‘slave’ you are no where near your true energetic abilities, and therefore even progression will feel painful. It’s time to become familiar with the true essence of your divine nature. YOU are an amazingly talented, ambitious, hard working, creative being who’s birth right is abundance. You deserve and are capable of achieving every natural authentic desire you possess. Start making friends with yourself and accepting and loving the true nature of who you are.
3. Jet-fuelled inspired action - once you’re fuelled up via a united front, THEN it’s time to take inspired action. When you’re totally tapped in to the ‘voice’ or messages coming from within about what external steps to take – you are authentically developing. That little voice that used to criticize is GONE and in it’s place is a Robin for YOU Batman. Get ready to experience the ultimate ride when your intuition and ‘gut-feeling’ is super-charged and navigating your every move. THIS is the path that will expediently move you towards to realization of your dreams.
Ladies, gents – it’s time! STOP the madness of self-abuse and release the old paradigm of sheer will power – this is no longer the way to go. (Not sure if it ever was.) In these times – you are already equipped with the internal GPS system that is pre-destined for greatness. Get out of your own way. Unite – you with you. This is the path that leads to LIVING THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS!
All the best!!!
Heather
