I’m reading Julia Cameron’s memoir ‘floor sample’ and although I’m an avid reader, rarely do I burn through pages in the way I have this time. I just can’t seem to put it down and although I haven’t turned totally crazy and not left my house in favour of her words, I come home with anticipation of jumping in to bed and delving in to the next leg of her journey. I have a 100 pages to go and now I’m getting to the point of ‘slow play’ because I just don’t want it to end.
Julia Cameron is the author of two of my most favourite books The Artist’s Way & The Right to Write and in reading her memoir I’ve had many insights and moments of inspiration. Hearing her description of transforming from an ego driven ‘writer’ to a spirit channeling artist reminds me of similar moments of reflection I’ve had in my own journey with words. There are days I stare at my blank screen knowing I have to churn out a 1000 word article for a magazine deadline, and then other days when I can’t grab my notebook fast enough to simply document what I’m hearing (in my mind) – pure genius words that are certainly not mine, nor are they me – those days when I’m the scribe are the most profound and moving. I often go back and read my writing only to be inspired and to learn from the words that illusively appeared on the page. These moments are pure magic.
I do feel, even in my writing assignments for the magazines I write for, that I’ve dropped the ‘ego’ part of it. I ask my higher self, my guides – what do people need to hear, how can I be a vehicle for their learning, their growth, their awakening? But compared to free form, and channeled writing days – it pales in comparison as I’m still doing a lot of ‘thinking’.
In reflection of reading this most recent work of Julia’s I am having yet another moment of vulnerability as I admit, if only to myself, an artist is who I am at my core – I think it’s who we all are. So what is stopping the flow? Why does it still seem like there is something to ‘do’, somewhere to ‘go’, something to ‘learn’ before I can truly embrace and channel this genius mind of infinite wisdom and intelligence that we all have access to??
Last night I had a dream (it felt like a nightmare at the time) where I think I received my answer. I won’t go in to the details of the dream, since in the end, it’s only the message that’s truly relevant.
The answer: creative space.
For years, I’ve kept my home (incredibly clean & organized – I’m a neat freak), sparse – more hotel room like, only the functional stuff present. Somewhere to sit, somewhere to sleep, somewhere to eat – but I have denied myself any specialness or beauty within my space. A space created for creativity – a space to channel the infinite beauty and wisdom of the collective mind. Aha! In my dream I was shown 2 contrasting realities. One dark, dismal, almost scary like space and one bright, joy filled, music filled space of levity, play and fun. Hmm….
So despite my fear and anxiety in declaring myself an artist (does that mean I must produce beautiful work?? or be compared to those who are great in exemplifying this title?? – ego trip!) I’m going for it. I acknowledge that this is where I feel the most expansive, the most enthusiastic, the most present, the most alive. In the being-ness of creativity is where I want to spend my time – this feels good.
So my next move is creation. Creation of a space which allows for the flow, the levity, the moments of pure channeling – channeling the presence of genius. Not of me, but through me.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress and let you know if the creation of a creative space is truly the missing link I’ve been longing for….until then…H/