“Will I ever be happy?” I ask myself in great despair.
How did I get here….again?
Where am I, you ask?
My answer: the in-between
The ‘in-between’, so what is that exactly?
Well, let me try to break this down in a way that makes sense…(Fingers crossed! Please let me know if it makes sense to you:)
Picture yourself walking in to a beautiful downtown skyscraper. It’s a building made of all glass. It’s elegant, sophisticated, & bright. You walk to the elevator, and walk inside. Plush carpet, nice under the feet. 360 degrees of mirrors. You push the button for the PH (penthouse) as the doors close. The elevator quickly rises and your stomach moves towards your throat. Suddenly the elevator comes to a halt. The doors open & what you see is…
It’s dark & cold. There’s no sign of the beautiful building you’re in. All you can see is wires & grime. Yuk!
I first learned of the ‘in-between’ through one of the greatest loves of my life, my coach Willie. Willie is one of the kindest humans walking on the planet, and in her efforts to illuminate a path in which I learned to show kindness to myself, I learned of what she called the ‘in-betwen’. Since then, I’ve used the concept as a metaphor for my life.
You see, when you commit to a life of growth, requiring you to take 100% responsibility for every aspect, including what you used to chalk up to as “my childhood”, “stupid people”, “bad luck”, “being the victim” etc. life isn’t necessary ‘easier’. What I can say is the beauty in life continues to become more beautiful, sorta like how the view improves as you move to higher and higher floors in a downtown skyscraper. However, if you’re on this path, remember that as you ‘ride the elevator’ of life, going from beautiful view to even more beautiful view, you pass through the ‘in-between’.
Sometimes you cruise by and the doors don’t open. There’s no grime, nor darkness to contend with. However, if you forget that the in-between exists, it can be a shocking horror to see it reveal itself in between beautiful views. It can be cause for an entire emotional depletion as you can slip in to forgetting where you are. You can equate the ‘in-between’ to the next ‘view’ and feel as though you’ve fallen down hundreds of feet to the basement of the building. BUT, that’s not the case.
You’re just in-between.
I know this, because I’ve been there so many times.
It usually ends with me putting in a desperate call to Willie, where I despairingly explain how my life is over, I’m so unhappy, I don’t know what I’m doing, or where I’m going or why I’m bothering..blah, blah, blah.
Then there will be silence.
Then Willie will say…”do you think you’re in the ‘in-between?”
Then I’ll think….
SHIT, I forgot about the in-between! Yes, I’m probably in the ‘in-between’.
Hallelujah! I thought I had slipped all the way back to the beginning.