About a month ago I received the below email from a disgruntled reader…
I have to say that the language you use on your site is anything but professional. A professional does not casually say or write f***, sh** or sh***y in conversation with or on a site professing to give advice to total strangers.
What immediately struck me was that I was not upset in any way by this email. I had no reaction, I was neutral. (Back it up 18 months – 2 years ago and this note would have flatlined me for days, maybe even weeks.)
When you have an emotional reaction to someone else’s opinion of you, it’s because there’s a part of you that agrees with them – a matching piece living within you.
Back in the day (ha! a couple years ago) I would have been affected by this comment because I wasn’t solid in my own belief that I was worthy of the title ‘professional advice giver’ (is that a title?). This comment would have triggered the matching piece within me that questioned whether I was good enough, whether I was capable, whether I could really be trusted to give people advice that would affect the trajectory of their life.
Specifically, I remember one time after delivering a speech I received the ‘feedback form’. 99% of the responses were positive. Heather was fantastic, she has so much energy, very inspiring, great advice, succinct and to the point, loved it….
then at the bottom there was one comment that I’ll never forget…
Young presenter style certainly evident.
This comment took me out. I swore to myself that I’d never speak again.
After I peeled myself of the floor I went to see my Life Coach (my psychic surgeon)…
and that comment morphed in to one of the greatest gifts of my life. With the help of my coach I saw that this was an opportunity for me to address a shadow; a matching piece that lived within me that said: I’m too young to do this work. A piece that was mirrored to me on the feedback form.
Other people play their role, to mirror for us the dark nooks and crannies that live within us. These shadows are the doorways for our greatest transformations. Without others we might never have known the door was even there.
I know in my heart that the deep work I did then changed the fabric of my being and hence the neutral peace inside of me when I read the comment on my blog about my potty mouth. I no longer question my worthiness in this role of ‘professional advice giver’. I know that the service I provide is of tremendous value for those whom it’s a fit for. And for those who don’t fit in this tribe – hey – they can go…well you know…f-off:)
Your reaction to the circumstances in your life is a gift – it will give you all kinds of information and shine a light on the shadows of yourself. Once you’re aware of those dark corners, you can learn from them, transform them and transcend them.