One of the best things that has ever happened to me is getting what I don’t want.
First it sucks. I go back to that old but very familiar place: Victim. Why, why, why questions. Then some when questions. (Wrong questions!) I suffer. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a little. Depends on how ‘awake’ I am. How connected I am. How here, in this moment I am.
After the suffering rises to a level where surrendering to the ‘alarm clock’ is the only palatable action, there it is: clarity. Crystal fucking clear. So clear I don’t know whether to cry or rejoice. So obvious I sometimes slip in to “why didn’t I see this sooner?” (Don’t go there.) So clear I know EXACTLY what I need to do.
Maybe one day my curriculum will shift and my learning won’t come through contrast. But this time it did and I don’t bother to resist. I don’t resist the idea that sometimes the darkness IS the guiding light.