I was invited to write a blog here by my lovely friend Heather. I was extremely excited about this until I actually sat down to write and came up blank. Call it writers block, call it a form of stage fright, but for some reason I was coming up empty. For the last two weeks I have been fretting over what I would say here and nothing was coming to me. I had to ask myself why. Why when I was so excited about this could I come up with absolutely nothing to say? Yesterday the answer hit me: self sabotage. Not only is this something I can write about but it’s the reason for my little problem. Case in point, a person who always has something to say suddenly left speechless when it matters and comes to something that she really wants. There is no reason for my sudden lack of words other than this.
I am an exceptional self saboteur with years of practice. Every time I set a goal for myself or am excited about the end result of a project, I lose steam and I lose it fast. There’s a little voice inside my head that comes from nowhere and helps to mess things up. Well, truthfully, it doesn’t really come out of nowhere; this voice sits in wait in a corner of my mind, bides it’s time until the perfect moment for it to stand up, voice its opinion and start to ask questions that needn’t be asked. You know the voice I mean, we all have it. This voice is the embodiment of fear and doubt. This voice is the part of you that is afraid of what will happen if you succeed.
For reasons beyond me, I listen to this voice. I don’t want to, but I do. I listen to all of the “what ifs” and the “what happens when’s”. I nod in agreement that things would be better if they stayed the same instead of me achieving my full potential. I let that little spark of what could be remain just that, a spark, rather than see it turn into a flame and then a full blown fire. So I am setting a new goal for myself on this blog and that goal is to somehow get rid of this voice! I am going to find its little corner of my mind and evict it. I am going to deny it any right to my future and to my happiness from here on out. I know that doing this is going to require an unwavering faith in myself and the universe but that’s okay because I already have that. It too has a corner in my mind and while Faith may be a little less in your face than the other voice it’s there nonetheless and waiting for me to hear it. I think it’s high time I listen to what it has to say.
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Hi Mel- welcome to the world of blogging!
I haven’t been able to evict that voice out of my head. I’ve been working on recognizing it, though – acknowledging it (where it comes from, what it represents, what those fears are), and choosing to think differently.
I wrote about it at: http://www.iwasthinking.ca/2007/09/01/that-we-are-what-we-repeatedly-think/
I look forward to hearing more about your journey!
Heidi