They say we teach what we most want to learn. And yet, when I show up in the role of teacher (and I make that mistake often), there leaves only the role of student to be played. If true learning is to take place for me I have to learn to let go. Let go of the identification, the attachment to the role of teacher. Shed any ideas around who I think I am ‘supposed’ to be. I have to willing to be here, now. To show up with no pretence, no plan, no agenda, no ‘end’ in mind.
And this is tough for me, as I’m sure it is for you. All my training in life taught me to be prepared, to work hard (harder than everyone else), to TRY. I mean if you try hard enough you’re sure to get somewhere, right?
And when I show up in this new way; open, vulnerable, raw – it’s not always well received. I leave many a conversation feeling as though I was rambly and off topic. I slip in to thoughts of worry and self-doubt because I wasn’t convicted about anything – I was all wishy washy. And these doubts and worries are ironically all mine. They are not a reaction but actually a reflection. They come forward to show me where I’m still stuck. And that reflection allows me to design the next course in my curriculum.
“You can’t rip the skin from the snake.
It will shed its skin when it is ready.” – Hari Dass Baba