You’re facing a dilemma, a problem, something is bugging you. “But I don’t know what to do” you say to yourself over and over again.
First of all. You are brilliant. Write that down. (I am brilliant.) Secondly, you have within you, incredible resources, potential, creativity and ingenuity. You’ve got this! Remember what Henry Ford said, “whether you think you can or your think you can’t. either way, you are right.” So, the first thing is to let go of the mantra ‘I don’t know’ because it is not serving you.
So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, here is what I suggest you do differently.
Ask the right question(s).
So often we ask self-critical questions that only keep us small and stuck in the problem. For example, instead of “what’s wrong with me, why am I procrastinating, how could I have gotten myself into this mess, why can’t I just make a decision?” we need to start asking questions that have a purpose of curiosity and are based in compassion, because after all, you want to move forward right?
So let’s dive in a little deeper…and work with an example.
Perceived Problem: I’m stalling on having a difficult conversation and severing a relationship that just isn’t working for me any longer.
The “right” kind of question: I wonder why I’m putting this off? What’s underneath?
Well for starters, I don’t want to hurt xyz person. It’s not their fault, it’s just that it’s really not working for me?
Secondly, I’m afraid that I’m making the wrong decision. Maybe it’s hasty and I’m just in reaction mode. I still feel uneasy about this conversation. I’m not 100% clear.
What else…well, this is going to seriously affect these other things x,y,z.
What if they freak out and get emotional. I just don’t think I can handle that?
Now, you’re having a compassionate dialogue with yourself, getting curious and uncovering the REAL reasons you’ve been putting things off. And from there, you can start to take responsibility (your ability-to-respond) for each little part of the bigger issue. In our example, things like:
- Consider an approach that honours the other person, their feelings, and their response to your news. Also, consider other perspectives, such as, would I want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be in one with me? And despite how difficult it might be to hear the news, wouldn’t I rather hear the truth? In fact, wouldn’t I respect them for their honesty, instead of faking it. (Maybe not right away, but eventually?) You can use EFT (tapping) to reduce fear and anxiety over the conversation. You can use the ancient ho’oponopono prayer to clear all the unconscious energy around the conversation. You can write it out in a letter, put it under your pillow, or in your underwear drawer and start the process through the cosmic waves. (Caution: I’ve done this and then had the other person come to me without mentioning a thing to them. It’s kinda freaky but liberating not to have to initiate the conversation and in the end the same outcome happened, win-win.)
- Sounds like you might need a bit more information? If you truly are un-decided, there’s some great ways to check in. You can use your body. Imagine not having the conversation and staying in the relationship and see how that feels. Imagine having the conversation and see how that feels? Imagine having the conversation and furthermore that it goes well and see how that feels? You can write the question on a note card, ask for some specific signs that you won’t miss, carry it with you in your pocket or purse and jot down what you notice over the course of 7 days. You might need to talk it through with a coach or confident, sometimes just hearing yourself say things out loud provides clarity. (Caution: choose confidents wisely. You looking for an objective, compassionate, sounding board, not advice or problem solving.)
- Lots of things can happen. One decision often has multiple affects. However, try not to get overwhelmed into analysis paralysis. Just like the old proverb reminds us “just take the first step”. Practically speaking, you can think through what else might be affected and start to put some plans in place on how you’ll respond if any of them become real.
- Call in all the guides, angels, and always ask for the most benevolent outcome for all concerned. I like to visualize myself in what I call, my hamster ball of white light. I fill my whole body and aura up with this huge ball of white light that is protected with mirrors. Therefore anything that doesn’t resonate with my vibration of compassion, benevolence and love will just bounce off my field and be mirrored right back to its source. Try it, it works!
In closing, let me say this. Life is messy and complicated and it can be challenging and sometimes just darn right hard. But I believe in you. I know you have within you exactly what you need to take the next step forward in your life. No matter what pops up, remember, you DO know what to do. You might not know right away, but work your process and you’ll find your answers.